Thercules

This article is about Space Sim Lore. It contains anecdotes or Spacesim mythology.

Thercules is a legendary hero created by Maxim Billig and Alex Mersereau on the 2013-14 mission.

Origins

Unbeknownst to Alex, the OCDSB internet was not available after about 11:00 PM. This caused him to go into a fit of creative rampage, the output being Thercules (Not to be confused with Theracles, his Roman counterpart).

The 12 Tasks

pls to help maxim i am not know this

Full Text

Mon Feb 24 23:19:12 2014: I PLANNED TO WATCH BREAKING BAD TONIGHT. I PLANNED TO WATCH BREAKING BAD /EVERY NIGHT/. I HAVE FIVE HOURS OF NO INTERNET FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS. I HAVE LITERALLY MORE THAN A DAY'S WORTH OF BOREDOM. Mon Feb 24 23:21:04 2014: NOBODY TOLD ME THAT THE NIGHT SHIFT HAS NO INTERNET. I SHOULD HAVE GODDAMN KNOWN.

Mon Feb 24 23:21:43 2014: I opened cookie clicker on Wade's computer several hours ago. I guess I'll play cookie clicker for several hours each night. What a horrid life this is.

Tue Feb 25 01:57:02 2014: An asteroid strike occurred. It was sorta eventful. Also cookie clicker was closed so like that never ended up happening.

Tue Feb 25 01:57:48 2014: Yeah like whatever yo.

Tue Feb 25 01:59:17 2014: I guess I'm just gonna not tell people about the asteroid, and they'll learn about it from the logs. Won't be an interesting story but we'll tell them more detail when we wake up I guess. Still won't be too interesting but I like talking. Tue Feb 25 02:08:57 2014: Maxim and I are going to write a swag story.

Tue Feb 25 02:09:23 2014: Once upon a time

Tue Feb 25 02:09:44 2014: There was a

Tue Feb 25 02:09:58 2014: greek guy.

Tue Feb 25 02:10:14 2014: And he lived

Tue Feb 25 02:10:29 2014: With meanies. No. He lived with an asshole named steve.

Tue Feb 25 02:11:00 2014: Steve wasn't happy often, because people kept thinking his name was spelled with a ph.

Tue Feb 25 02:11:26 2014: Steve was annoyed because if his name was spelled with a ph, he'd just go by Stephen, not Steve. Tue Feb 25 02:11:55 2014: Anyway he's not really the hero here because he's a jerk and stuff. The greek guy is a bit cooler. Tue Feb 25 02:12:22 2014: The greek guy's name was Hercules.

Tue Feb 25 02:13:43 2014: Hercules was kinda like a modern day Hercules, in that he was named after Hercules. It's not like he was a greek hero in any actual sense, just named after one. Also I can't remember if the greek version of him was named Hercules or Heracles.

Tue Feb 25 02:14:55 2014: Except he's not actually named Hercules. He's really named Thercules. Because like we need real fiction about Thercules. I mean he deserves fan fiction.

Tue Feb 25 02:15:43 2014: So one day he went to the zoo.

Tue Feb 25 02:16:05 2014: He saw a lion there, and was all like "yo, I'd really dig it to be the real Hercules. Or Heracles if you dig it."

Tue Feb 25 02:16:48 2014: Then he decided to take on like a baker's dozen of challenges. The last one of course, is to eat a mountain. of donuts.

Tue Feb 25 02:17:26 2014: The first challenge was to complete a game of EDWARD FORTYHANDS.

Tue Feb 25 02:20:41 2014: So like a game of Edward Fortyhands is where you take two bottles of alcohol and you tape them to your hands. And the number fortyhands comes from I guess the volume of the bottles (?). Anyway you have to drink the entire two bottles before you can take them off your hands. Essentially it's like... You gotta drink the whole thing before you can use your hands for anything. Some people are like, you can do whatever you want with your hands, as long as you can do that while the bottles are still taped to your hands. Also some people are like, you can finish off one bottle and remove that bottle, but Thercules is no wimp so he's gotta the game with both bottles on his hands until the end.

Tue Feb 25 02:23:07 2014: Anyway Thercules totally pulled off yo. He completed the game of EDWARD FORTYHANDS. And it was totally rad yo. I'm not advocating drinking a whole lot or drinking at all because I'm a responsible young adult and I don't encourage breaking rules or drinking alcohol at all, so, yeah.

Tue Feb 25 02:24:47 2014: The second challenge was to ride a horse backwards while having to solve a sudoku.

Tue Feb 25 02:25:28 2014: It's not as easy as one might think. Especially considering this sudoku puzzle was like standard news paper puzzle section type difficulty.

Tue Feb 25 02:26:19 2014: Also considering that riding a horse forwards is like a thing people take lessons on. So riding a horse backwards is kinda like... wow hard.

Tue Feb 25 02:27:10 2014: So like thercules went all in and put his money where his gift horse's mouth is. And like he totally completed the whole sudoku which is crazy right like wow that takes a lot of time, and patience because you can't just keep erasing right?

Tue Feb 25 04:23:47 2014: Completing the whole sudoku is even crazier when you realize that completing sudoku is like a "thing" that astros should do to test mental prowess before and after the mission to see how dumb you get, but we never actually do. Except in my grade 9 year, I did a couple of sudoku problems at the beginning of the mission.

Tue Feb 25 09:14:52 2014: Apocalypse Now? Pompeii? POMPEII NOW